One of the hardest things I've ever done, my sisters eulogy..

Many heartfelt thanks to everyone ~ the heartwarming support we received at her viewing and services was really amazing. So many loved Jamie it was amazing the number of people who came to share, approx 450 we were told. My heart hurts so much... thank you all SO very much!! (((()))) luv ya!

Every bone in my body trembled as I read this, I didnt look at anyone on my way there, while reading or on my way back to my seat cause if I did I would have lost it ~ Some have asked for a copy so decided to share it here ~ Many many TX!!...

My Eulogy:

Jamie loved nothing more then to be surrounded by her friends and family. Whether she was on the softball field, at the beach, camping, at a sporting event or crashing your family get together, her presence was always known and welcomed. I have no doubt that even now she will continue to let us know she is here with us having a good laugh, whispering jokes in our ears or maybe even taking a sip or two from our corona or bloody mary.

Jamie would always find a way to make a difficult or stressful situation easier to cope with, esp when it came to how she coped with her diagnosis, surgeries and treatments. It was not uncommon to hear her make a joke to lighten the mood, especially when she or someone she loved was facing something that would otherwise be filled with tears or great sadness.

I'm sure that we can all sit here and remember many times when soon as that moment of awkward silence came, or something happened that we'd all bite our tongue so as not to say something embarrassing, she was not only ready for the punchline and ready to say it but when she did it was ALWAYS a good one!

Everyone who knew Jamie knew she was a fighter no matter what she faced. I can say with all honesty she tried her best to never let it get her down. Our mother was very strong and fought hard too and Jamie often reflected on our mothers strength when searching deep within herself to find the strength she needed to continue to fight hard. Cant remember her exact words but I can recall her saying a few times a phrase like “I will cry today because tomorrow I need to be strong and just do the things I love to do with a smile.” ….Thats what mom always said to me Jamie would then add.

Whether you had the pleasure of hanging out with Jamie, knew her only briefly or just knew of her through "a friend of a friend" you were sure to be able to recall a funny story about something she did. And it was often something that made you laugh so hard it would bring tears to your eyes. You knew from the day you met her that she was the kind of person you wanted to call your friend. It wouldn't be possible for me to share all the memories I have because there are so many.

Jamie had a very special place in her heart for everyone. She was the big sis in our family and we are going to miss her more then I can even put into words. It's very hard for me to imagine her not being here. We are a very close family and we did most everything together. She loved being an Aunt so very much. When she traveled to visit my kids or Colleens she always arrived with a special little token of love for them. Not only was it always the perfect toy but you could just see the special bond she had with them when she played with them!!

She was an incredible mother to her girls, they will tell you that she wasn't just their mom or Madre as Carissa called her but also their closest friend. She went above and beyond to be sure she was able to provide for them as best she could even in the toughest of times. She was SO proud to be the soccer mom and cheerleading mom! It was very important that she be at every event cheering them on, and yes you were sure to hear her yelling from the side lines or stands. The love she also had for her close friends was unmeasurable. You weren't just a “girlfriend” you were, as I recall her saying a few times, a sister from another mother... you were her family.

On wed I told Jamie how much I love her and how proud I am of her. I asked her to promise to send me a yellow butterfly to let me know she was with our mom in heaven, she shook her head yes. And so I will continue to watch for it :) I was staring out the window Saturday just wondering..... what is she doing now?.... A little voice in my head said that she and mom are catching up...I can only imagine what their first conversation was like.

We lost a very special part of us Friday and the memories she left behind with us will never be forgotten, I can still hear the sound of her laughter right now :) She touched our souls in so many ways, no matter how hard you try or how much time passes the fingerprints she left behind will never fade away. God brought her angel wings so she could return home and one day we too will receive our wings so we can all be together again. Sadly having lost others I loved so much I know how hard the days ahead will be for all of us, especially when we feel others have moved on and we are still climbing the ladder of grief. It really takes a year, sometimes even longer, the first of all things, holidays and anniversaries to begin to heal and cope. Soon after my mom passed I wrote a poem that helped me cope and to ease the pain. I was SO afraid to go on.... I know that in the days ahead I will be turning to this poem once again...... this poem helped me so much, Some of you may recall it... I'd like to share it again in hopes that you too will find the same comfort it gave me...

Its called Amazing Grace

The clouds came in so fast it seemed, but are slowly going away.
The angel sent me blessings as he is watching me today.

He whispered in my ear that he was giving me his hand, the tears ran down my face as he said he understands.

He told me that I will see the truth and in it I will know, the things in life that prevent our spiritual ability to grow.

He pointed out to me again that he was giving me his hand for when he gave it out initially, I didn't understand.

I hadn't seen it there for me to grasp and hold on tight to, I was busy pacing and thinking about the material things to do.

I stopped suddenly for just a moment and finally saw the sight. There is an end to rainy days and darkness from no light.

I saw what he was showing me, in my head so bright clear... The trouble I was facing was only known as "fear".

The roller coaster we ride on, the one we call "this life". Will have many ups and downs and smiles, frowns and lots of frights.

Ever wonder why we go on the scary amusement rides? Ever notice how much we scream yet love the feeling inside?

The ups and downs and fears in life, will always come hand in hand, It isn't until we have faced the fear and cried that we understand.

The angels watching over us, are there all human days. For when we get off ride of life, we are always truly amazed.

We go away and return to our homes, from which we truly came. We bring with us the memories of laughter, love and rain.

We greet the angel as we cross, he holds our hand again. We see our maker, God our Lord, the maker of all men.We turn around once again, to see the coaster we called earth.

We know that it was scary but plan again our birth. We shall return in many ways, as human or a spirit. We'll whisper blessings in their ears, and hope they too will hear it.

So next time when you hear the wind or feel the rain on your face. Know that you are being watched by the angel Amazing Grace.